Baby it's a new day.

So much has happened since my last post.

First and foremost, I graduated from college. I am officially an alumni. It is so weird to have accomplished that. A little surreal if you like. My diploma was the first thing I hung on the wall in my apartment. I see it every few mins and still can't really believe it.

Speaking of the apartment, I am living in it. All by my lonesome. Let me tell you peeps, its a lot harder than I even imagined. I mean, I have never lived "with" someone. I have had my own room my whole life. But, I realized in the last two days that I have never really been alone. At home, I had two brothers and two parents constantly around. In the dorm, I lived around 160 something girls, 6 of which I knew really well. And a whole campus around me that I could see, talk to to and visit. I ate with people at least twice a day. Never really alone... unless I wanted to be. Well, I am just beginning to understand "alone". I know absolutely no one in the area. I don't even know a neighbor. That on top of having no furniture. I mean none. I have my TV, a futon mattress and a few chairs. No internet, no cable... In fact, I am paying $2.95 at McDonalds to bring you this fascinating blog post.

Honestly, I spent about 12 hours wallowing. I cried when my parents left. I moped. I sat in front of my TV, watched a sad movie and cried about how alone I was. Then, I got over it. It's all pretty humorous to me at this point. I laughed as I fell asleep in my living room on my ghetto mattress last night. It really is pretty laughable.

But more than that, its an adventure. This is my life and I am hereby refusing to hide from it. My hours of fear and agoraphobia might return momentarily, but I would ask that you 4 people that read this pray for me. I want to grab this opportunity with all that it's worth. I know that is what God intends. More on this later. Headed to my first day of work here in Austin, Wish me luck!

Grape flavored groping...

1 freakin' day. 1. That's it.

I will be an Alumni in 1 day. I move into my apartment Saturday. I start my new job officially on Monday. Holy Cow. I can't even process this stuff as it is happening so fast. I have spent this week trying to get in as much time with people around work and finals and moving and having a super awesome case of cellulitus. I can't believe I am leaving all of these people behind. It has come as quite the surprise to me how much I really love them, how much of a family you all have become.

Of course I am excited to move to Austin, my dream city. Excited about the people I'll meet and invest in. The freedom of be independent and free from other people's opinions about how I am living. No more school and tests and papers and finals and stupid professors...

But part of me is scared. I don't want to leave. I want to cling to my bed post like a 5-year-old and cry. I want to hide under my bed under the blankets and pretend that this isn't happening. I want to believe that I have more time, that this isn't the end.

This is where I find myself. In the middle of ecstatic and terrified. Rehearsal is tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes...

PS. This blog title is dedicated to one Ms. Robyn Pharis who requested it. And to my little brother Todd who doesn't read my blog :)

7 days...

I know I know... its been a while. My life has been nutso.

Before I get into the serious stuff, I would just like to say I LOVE cold weather. Love Love Love. It makes me feel alive.


Since my last blog I have:

- Started training at AT&T
- Bought a Washer and Dryer
- Signed a year lease in Cedar Park
- Started moving all my junk
- Sat through my last college class as an undergrad
- Seen some really pleasant snow flurries
- Wrote 42 pages of paper in 50 hours
- Only had one major breakdown :)

On a similar note, I made my first commission today. Six. whole. dollars. Now, scoff at that if you like. Please do. I would if I were you. But, can I tell you... I am prouder of that measly, laughable amount of money than I have been for most of the other money I have ever earned. I have worked really hard to learn this cell phone stuff as quickly as possible. There is a lot to learn and it is really easy to screw things up. For the first time in a long time I am proud of myself. Proud of a hard honest days work. Looking forward to all the things I am learning. Excited about the challenge.

I am totally and overwhelmingly blown away by God's sovereignty. Listen up people, He really does know what He's doing.

Tornado

Ok, talk about a crazy whirlwind week. This week I got a job at AT&T, found an apartment, applied to live there, started gathering the stuff to furnish this apartment, and confirmed that I am graduating. Holy Toledo Batman! It has been so obvious that God intended this all. I don't know why I ever doubt Him...

20 days... 20. That's all I have left. I now find myself juggling 3 major lives. School, work and home. There is so much to be done for each of those three lives. Demands to be met. They can't be neglected. SO much to do. But, it is all so exciting. I hope I can remember to soak it all in. These last moments of college. The final countdown to adulthood. I realized today just how much I am going to miss my friends...

Now, I will leave you with the two funniest quotes (that I can remember) of the week:

"I am really blessed that God has given me the gift of BS-ing." -Boy in Hardy

"When you get stuck in quick sand, you have to keep your head above your body"- Meghan
"When is your head ever not above your body Meghan?" - Robyn A.

Thoughts for today.

God is so faithful... I will post about this later.

On Iron Chef America the challenger made a dish with "snow fungus, wolf berries and almond syrup" Ew.

I am going to make an effort to enjoy and embrace Christmas this year.

26 days until graduation... So much to do. Holy Cow.

I am looking for a roommate in the Austin/Round Rock area.

A haircut will be needed soon.

I am really going to miss my friends.

Bed time, goodnight internet.

Copycat

I really liked a recent post by one robyn allison.... so I am going to do the same. So, here are some things I am thankful for... in case I forget how great life is.

1. My Brothers... these two make me so proud to be their sister

2. My tribe... they challenge me to be myself

3. All of the things my parents have sacrificed so that I could live the life I do

4. That I am fortunate enough to go to college and get this degree

5. College is seriously almost over

6. I have all that I need

7. God knows exactly what's next

8. Retta... I have learned more in 2 years working for her then really anywhere else

9. Burt Babes... even at 2 am when the door alarm goes off

10. Really good music

11. The possibility of the future

12. Hot apple cider in the winter time

13. Food Network

14. God is teaching me so many things

Just to name a few :)

Another Turning Point... A fork stuck in the road

Stress is a funny thing... It affects people so differently. I can't really be objective as to what my normal reaction is but I can say that the pressure of graduating is definitely taking it's toll.

I feel like one group of people in my life are pushing me towards corporate America. They want me to make enough money, have enough stuff and work somewhere that I can move up in the ranks quickly. On the other hand, I have a group that wants me to see the wide and vast amount of options that I have. They want me to join the Samaritan's Purse or do mission work, or do non-profit work or open my own business...

The truth of the matter is as much as I appreciate the advice, I have completely lost what I actually want or for that matter what God wants. I have applied for what seems like gazillion jobs, but I feel so so so lost. Is it ok to get a transition job? Am I settling by taking a "normal job"? What kind of job do I want? Can I afford to be picky with the economy as it is? How many people can I disappoint in one day?

Yes, I am aware that I shouldn't care, and that I should do what God has called me to etc...

I am officially tired of talking about this...