rememberance

I know, I have blogged 3 days in a row... weird.

It was a year ago in May that a lovely and wildly wonderful friend of mine gave in to her sorrow and took her own life. I can't believe that the day just passed me by without any real consequence. It was a day that changed my thinking entirely.

I remember exactly the moment that Kyle, a friend from cstat, called me to tell me that Kellie was gone. I couldn't move. Couldn't even process. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really have. I remember sitting in a pew between my parents trying to hold my crap together (poorly I'll admit) because I didn't want anyone to notice us. Hugging people that I hadn't talked to in years because we all needed to know we weren't alone.

Kellie and I had known each other a long time. We struggled with some similar things and I had the priviledge of walking alongside her while she was dealing with the muck she was living in. She loved Jesus. So so much. She cared about her friends. She wanted to make the world a better place. She loved to sing and play her guitar. She was a good friend. I miss her everytime I hear any number of songs.

Kellie's death taught me so much about life and those that suicide leaves behind. It taught me that despite my sometimes overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, life is worth it. It showed me that I want to beat this depression thing. And I think I have Kellie to thank for a lot of the progress I have made in this past year.

I can't believe all that has happened since May of last year. It's easy to forget what we have learned. Not just in this situation but in all of them. How often do I revert back to junk I thought I had conquered? All the time. I miss Kellie a lot. But, I think she would have been pleased to know that those who loved her are learning from her struggles. Miss ya Kel.