Baby it's a new day.

So much has happened since my last post.

First and foremost, I graduated from college. I am officially an alumni. It is so weird to have accomplished that. A little surreal if you like. My diploma was the first thing I hung on the wall in my apartment. I see it every few mins and still can't really believe it.

Speaking of the apartment, I am living in it. All by my lonesome. Let me tell you peeps, its a lot harder than I even imagined. I mean, I have never lived "with" someone. I have had my own room my whole life. But, I realized in the last two days that I have never really been alone. At home, I had two brothers and two parents constantly around. In the dorm, I lived around 160 something girls, 6 of which I knew really well. And a whole campus around me that I could see, talk to to and visit. I ate with people at least twice a day. Never really alone... unless I wanted to be. Well, I am just beginning to understand "alone". I know absolutely no one in the area. I don't even know a neighbor. That on top of having no furniture. I mean none. I have my TV, a futon mattress and a few chairs. No internet, no cable... In fact, I am paying $2.95 at McDonalds to bring you this fascinating blog post.

Honestly, I spent about 12 hours wallowing. I cried when my parents left. I moped. I sat in front of my TV, watched a sad movie and cried about how alone I was. Then, I got over it. It's all pretty humorous to me at this point. I laughed as I fell asleep in my living room on my ghetto mattress last night. It really is pretty laughable.

But more than that, its an adventure. This is my life and I am hereby refusing to hide from it. My hours of fear and agoraphobia might return momentarily, but I would ask that you 4 people that read this pray for me. I want to grab this opportunity with all that it's worth. I know that is what God intends. More on this later. Headed to my first day of work here in Austin, Wish me luck!

Grape flavored groping...

1 freakin' day. 1. That's it.

I will be an Alumni in 1 day. I move into my apartment Saturday. I start my new job officially on Monday. Holy Cow. I can't even process this stuff as it is happening so fast. I have spent this week trying to get in as much time with people around work and finals and moving and having a super awesome case of cellulitus. I can't believe I am leaving all of these people behind. It has come as quite the surprise to me how much I really love them, how much of a family you all have become.

Of course I am excited to move to Austin, my dream city. Excited about the people I'll meet and invest in. The freedom of be independent and free from other people's opinions about how I am living. No more school and tests and papers and finals and stupid professors...

But part of me is scared. I don't want to leave. I want to cling to my bed post like a 5-year-old and cry. I want to hide under my bed under the blankets and pretend that this isn't happening. I want to believe that I have more time, that this isn't the end.

This is where I find myself. In the middle of ecstatic and terrified. Rehearsal is tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes...

PS. This blog title is dedicated to one Ms. Robyn Pharis who requested it. And to my little brother Todd who doesn't read my blog :)

7 days...

I know I know... its been a while. My life has been nutso.

Before I get into the serious stuff, I would just like to say I LOVE cold weather. Love Love Love. It makes me feel alive.


Since my last blog I have:

- Started training at AT&T
- Bought a Washer and Dryer
- Signed a year lease in Cedar Park
- Started moving all my junk
- Sat through my last college class as an undergrad
- Seen some really pleasant snow flurries
- Wrote 42 pages of paper in 50 hours
- Only had one major breakdown :)

On a similar note, I made my first commission today. Six. whole. dollars. Now, scoff at that if you like. Please do. I would if I were you. But, can I tell you... I am prouder of that measly, laughable amount of money than I have been for most of the other money I have ever earned. I have worked really hard to learn this cell phone stuff as quickly as possible. There is a lot to learn and it is really easy to screw things up. For the first time in a long time I am proud of myself. Proud of a hard honest days work. Looking forward to all the things I am learning. Excited about the challenge.

I am totally and overwhelmingly blown away by God's sovereignty. Listen up people, He really does know what He's doing.

Tornado

Ok, talk about a crazy whirlwind week. This week I got a job at AT&T, found an apartment, applied to live there, started gathering the stuff to furnish this apartment, and confirmed that I am graduating. Holy Toledo Batman! It has been so obvious that God intended this all. I don't know why I ever doubt Him...

20 days... 20. That's all I have left. I now find myself juggling 3 major lives. School, work and home. There is so much to be done for each of those three lives. Demands to be met. They can't be neglected. SO much to do. But, it is all so exciting. I hope I can remember to soak it all in. These last moments of college. The final countdown to adulthood. I realized today just how much I am going to miss my friends...

Now, I will leave you with the two funniest quotes (that I can remember) of the week:

"I am really blessed that God has given me the gift of BS-ing." -Boy in Hardy

"When you get stuck in quick sand, you have to keep your head above your body"- Meghan
"When is your head ever not above your body Meghan?" - Robyn A.

Thoughts for today.

God is so faithful... I will post about this later.

On Iron Chef America the challenger made a dish with "snow fungus, wolf berries and almond syrup" Ew.

I am going to make an effort to enjoy and embrace Christmas this year.

26 days until graduation... So much to do. Holy Cow.

I am looking for a roommate in the Austin/Round Rock area.

A haircut will be needed soon.

I am really going to miss my friends.

Bed time, goodnight internet.

Copycat

I really liked a recent post by one robyn allison.... so I am going to do the same. So, here are some things I am thankful for... in case I forget how great life is.

1. My Brothers... these two make me so proud to be their sister

2. My tribe... they challenge me to be myself

3. All of the things my parents have sacrificed so that I could live the life I do

4. That I am fortunate enough to go to college and get this degree

5. College is seriously almost over

6. I have all that I need

7. God knows exactly what's next

8. Retta... I have learned more in 2 years working for her then really anywhere else

9. Burt Babes... even at 2 am when the door alarm goes off

10. Really good music

11. The possibility of the future

12. Hot apple cider in the winter time

13. Food Network

14. God is teaching me so many things

Just to name a few :)

Another Turning Point... A fork stuck in the road

Stress is a funny thing... It affects people so differently. I can't really be objective as to what my normal reaction is but I can say that the pressure of graduating is definitely taking it's toll.

I feel like one group of people in my life are pushing me towards corporate America. They want me to make enough money, have enough stuff and work somewhere that I can move up in the ranks quickly. On the other hand, I have a group that wants me to see the wide and vast amount of options that I have. They want me to join the Samaritan's Purse or do mission work, or do non-profit work or open my own business...

The truth of the matter is as much as I appreciate the advice, I have completely lost what I actually want or for that matter what God wants. I have applied for what seems like gazillion jobs, but I feel so so so lost. Is it ok to get a transition job? Am I settling by taking a "normal job"? What kind of job do I want? Can I afford to be picky with the economy as it is? How many people can I disappoint in one day?

Yes, I am aware that I shouldn't care, and that I should do what God has called me to etc...

I am officially tired of talking about this...

Learning.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -E.M. Forster

Late...

Song of the Week:

"Party in the USA" by: Miley Cyrus (For humor sake)
(Warning: This is not the whole song... it is way too long!)

I hopped off the plane at LAX
with a dream and my cardigan
welcome to the land of fame excess,
am I gonna fit in?

Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so famous

My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous,
That's when the taxi man turned on the radio
and a Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on

CHORUS:
So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin’ my head like yea
Movin my hips like yea
I got my hands up,
They’re playin my song
I know im gonna be ok
Yea, It's a party in the USA

Topic of Discssion: Surprises

Quote of the week: 'My people are not responsible for
BBQ enchiladas!" - Retta

Something I have learned this week: I really really like
surprising people

Accomplish by next week: Apply for 3 more jobs

Picture of the week: These two crazy kids got engaged this week!
Congrats Teaven and Sarah!

Peace.

"Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah"

Hallelujah by: Bethany Dillon

His eye is on the sparrow...

This semester is flying by faster than I ever thought it would. Its a little overwhelming really. I thought I was ready to blow this joint, to pack up and embrace my independence... Right now that idea is looking pretty scary. And before I really get started don't kid yourself, this is the first of many posts like this one...

When I think about the people I am leaving here... well you know me, I get emotional. But its more than emotion. I feel like I am leaving a piece of me behind. I have grown so much here, found pieces of myself I didn't know could be found. God has redeemed so many things. He has made right so many of my wrongs. He has changed me. He has given me people to love and be loved by that are better than I could have ever dreamed. I don't deserve the grace.

College has been such a whirlwind of change and uprooting. I wrote a while back that I finally felt stable. Well, this short period of stability is rapidly coming to an end and I feel the change down into my bones. I don't know what God has in store for me next but I am comforted by the truth that he has always been faithful. He has yet to let me down, even when I try to screw up what He is doing for me, He comes through. So... I wait.

"Here am I Lord, send me." - Isaiah 6:8

This week on...

Song of the week: Rascal Flatts - "Here"

There's a place I've been looking for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors

And I thought I found it
Couple times, even settled down
And I'd hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me

And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by

God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads
I had to take
To get me in your arms that way

And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to Here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you...

Topic of discussion: Fall Break

Quote of the week: "Juicy knees"

Something I have learned this week: Sometimes you find that you have "family" you didn't even know about in the strangest of places.

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Work out at least 3 times this week

Picture of the week : This is my loot from the great garage sale adventure of '09 with the D'Herde women. I got all this awesome stuff for $7 total!

Weekly

Song of the week: "Take it Easy" - The Eagles

Well, I'm running down the road
tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women on my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine

Take It easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels
drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me

Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
so take it easy

Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen
my load, got a world of trouble on my mind
lookin' for a lover who won't blow my
cover, she's so hard to find

Take it easy, take it easy
don't let the sound of your own
wheels make you crazy

Topic of discussion: Birthdays

Quote of the Week: "I remember the day you were born, I was so very disappointed you were a girl" - Grandma

Something I have learned this week: I'm not the only person trying to change

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Cook dinner for someone

Picture of the week: The family plus Todd's girlfriend Ashley at Birthday dinner

Doodie

Welp, I am on duty tonight and it is really quiet here in Burty Burt... So I thought I would entertain myself by updating you on my life.

Grandfather gets out of the hospital by Wednesday at the very latest, so so glad. Also, he told the nurse he was allergic to broccoli so he wouldn't have to eat it... classic.

I hate when boys use the lobby bathroom, its gross.

I turn 23 in a week... holy moly.

The semester is half over.

My brother told me I needed to "get my stuff together" today. Hah.

Business Job Fair is tomorrow... I am nervous.

Tetris is my new/old favorite game.

I am ready for a new adventure.

Thinking about writing a book, I blame this on Robyn.

The Dixie Chicks are speaking my language tonight.

Love Love.

This Week...

Song of the Week: "You are on Our Side" - Bethany Dillon

The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Topic of Discussion: Lake Day

Quote of the week: "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:4

Something I have learned this week: Sometimes you just have to be the adult

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Be a better peacemaker

Picture of the Week: Me and Angie my first year here. I can't believe how much we have changed in such a short time. On top of that, I love this picture it demonstrates us perfectly.

What time is it?

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

Time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,

A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak,

A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

Weekly

Song of the Week: "How He loves" by David Crowder

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

How He loves us all He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us

Topic of Discussion: Haircut

Quote of the Week: "Brooke, someone keeps running down the hall in Burt. Can we shoot them with Nerf guns? Thanks." - Resident

Something I have learned this week: I have no idea what I really want out of my life

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Start applying for jobs

Picture of the Week: Residence Life Staff: 80's Inaugural Bash

Random-ness

I have so much intense brooding life stuff rolling around in my head that I do not want to even address... so instead here are some random thoughts I have had recently that are of absolutely no consequence:

- I love Chinese Food... I want some

- Did you know that they now have snuggies for dogs? Ridiculous.

- I really want to cook something. Preferably soon.

- Officially used a whole box of Kleenex in a week. Gross.

- 80 days until granduation... whoa.

- Oh's is my new favorite cereal... thanks Robyn

- Haircut must happen soon

Ok, I think thats it. This is the most ridiculous blog post ever. I'm a little sorry you had to endure it. But not really. Hopefully you didn't read this far.

Love Love.

Week Dos

Song of the Week: "Pretty Baby" -The Spin Doctors

Look around your world Pretty Baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy
The wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me

And look into your heart Pretty Baby
Is it aching with some aimless need
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it
Right then roll to me

And I don't think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there

So don't try to deny Pretty Baby
You've been down so long You can hardly see
When the engines stall and it won't stop raining
It's the right time to roll to me

Topic of Discussion: Applying the "Belt of truth"

Quote of the Week: "Love is never too common, but it's always too rare." - Preston Morgan

Something I learned about this week: Forgiveness

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Haircut

Picture of the week: All the Single Ladies... the grandmother of the bride was working the hardest to catch the bouquet. Haha...

Weekly Update

Ok, in the spirit of jumping on the bandwagon, I have decided to do a weekly blog. However, in the spirit of individualism, I will do my own thing. I will be giving information pertaining to that specific week and will include a weekly photo. So here we go...

Song of the Week: "You are God" by Charlie Hall

You’re closer than our troubles

More present than any danger

More grand than gold and silver

You are God, You are God

You’re the joy of man’s desire

You are Father, satisfier

We are stunned with wide-eyed wonder

You are God, You are God

You fill our hearts with love and faith

You fight for us, You make us brave

You are God, You are God.

You walk with us, You lead us on

Faith, hope and love wakes up with dawn

You are God, You are God

Topic of discussion this week: The Wedding

Favorite quote of the week: Resident -"Brooke, I need your tall-ness to help me hang my cutains"

Something I learned this week: I know nothing about my identity in Christ

Something I want to have accomplished by next week: Make a doctors appointment and quit avoiding the problem

This weeks picture: Me, the bride and two of the other bridesmaids at a wedding shower. T-minus 3 days till the wedding.

Hola, me llamo...

This weekend was muy bueno...

First, I relaxed on Friday and Saturday. It was great.

Second and really more importantly, I went to Dallas with Retta. It was totally great. I had a lot of fun... and I got to practice my spanish. Which I totally wish I could do more frequently. Any takers?

I have decided that I really like going home with people. Now, I realize for some going home with someone would be an anxious time of meeting a lot of new people... Not for me. I love it. I love to see where people came from. It opens up my eyes to how people became themselves, why they have certain traits and its like opening up my eyes to a whole different part of who that person is.

I have had dicussions with friends about how mind boggling it is that we only really know one side of one another. But most people have many sides and lives. Who we are at home, with friends, at work, in romantic relationships.... And really we only get to see the people around us in 1 or 2 of those lives. Mind blowing.

When I go home with someone, you have the opportunity to know that person better and on a different level, in one of their "other lives". I just love it.

On another (funny) note, I went with Ret and her mom to a family reunion in which they were related to no more that 5 people... out of a ton. This was awkward and hilarious enough... But then we realized that I was 1 of only 2 white people there... Hello conspicous, my name is brooke.

5 things I love

As requested by one ms. robyn allison here are 5 things I love... not in order, maybe not even the things I love the most. But I do love the following 5 items...

1.) My brothers: these two make me want to be a good person. They challege me, tease me, stick up for me, and let me just be me.

2.) My friends: Old or new, these people are the reason I love my life and my job. Without them I can honestly say I would not be the Brooke you all know.

3.) Cooking: Very few things bring me as much joy as making a meal for someone else. especially if i know they loved it

4.) Books: I love books so much that I willingly lug them from place to place when I move. In fact, when I have a more permenant residence there will be two rooms I can about, the kitchen (referring to #3) and the room I will make into a library. I just love love love books.

5.) Coffee: Nothing makes a bad day better for me that some good music (which I also love) and a good cup of coffee. Hot, cold, plain, fancy... I love them all. Man now I really want some coffee...

Top 10 moments of the Summer

10.) My grandmother telling my grandfather to shut up and talk to someone else...I literally couldn't stop laughing

9.) Babysitting and earning an obscene amount of money for it...4 teenagers, 2 dogs, one dead bird, 7 gallons of milk and 8 days. This week proved to me I am not ever going to be ready to become a mother.

8.) Fraiser and Will and Grace with Retta, some of the best nights of the whole summer

7.) All of the intense movies/episodes of Army Wives watched with the greatest friends ever

6.) Riding in the golf cart with Matt...with him driving and me clinging to the pool table cover for dear life

5.) Astros game with the family where I ate a hot dog as big as my head

4.) Fleas/Raccoons in Burt, if you haven't heard this story yet, ask... its hilarious

3.) Dinners with Sarah, many adventures and lots of laughs

2.) RA Training, enough said.

1.) Trip to Austin with Robyn, Allye, and Angie. I love Freebirds, "Away We Go" and those three amazing ladies

3, 2, 1... Blast Off

Ok, so much has happened since I last posted I can't even start to go through all of it. Between a long trip home to see the family (which was needed and wonderful), to RA training, my new wing and the first week of classes... Whew. Crazy.

First of all, I am so so so glad Burt is full of girls again! I missed all my RAs and having residents... I love my new wing, a lot.

Second, can I just say that for the first time in my life I feel like I am finally in a stable place. Which is ironic since I will be uprooted from this place in exactly 106 days, but it feels really good. I have the best friends I could have ever asked for, my depression is more managable than ever, my family is happy and healthy and classes are relatively enjoyable. Not to say that life is perfect, obviously. But I guess I am just so grateful for this chance to breathe before life takes off to another place. God is so good.

Third and finally, a treasured friend last night said something so profound to me. She probably didn't even realize how much it would affect me, but it has. "Brooke, you are no longer the victim, you are a lot stronger than you think you are". And it hit me, all of the growing and brokenness and counseling and love that has poured over my life this past couple of years has been worth it. Somehow, I don't know how or when, I stopped being the victim. And let me just tell you, there is no feeling like realizing evil didn't win. There is light at the end of the tunnel and boy... is it beautiful.

Bailar

I love love love "So You think You Can Dance"! It has become a little bit of an obsession... I look forward to it all week. I love to sit and get wrapped up in the dancing, I love that evokes so much emotion to some. I love that it reminds me of a whole different part of my life. Dance was such a powerful form of expression for me... Something that I could do to push away the inevitable dark cloud that hovered over me. Check out one of the coolest dances from this season at the link below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u5v99Kt5as

I haven't been dancing much these days, unless you count ridiculous dance parties after RA meetings...1 week until training! Crazy.

I am officially on summer vacation...a grand total of a week.

My official top ten moments of summer are coming soon... get excited.

It's been a while

It weirds me out when these things are somewhat accurate. I do not like however that I have the least personality of all the elements. Kinda depressing.

Brooke completed the quiz "Which element are you?" with the result Wood.
You are Wood, an interesting element indeed. Made of tough stuff, you are. You have an outer shell that can protect you from most things and, unlike Metal, your shell is one built on logic and experience instead of one hastily put up to protect you from being hurt (though it functions in that way as well). Wood has the least personality of the elemental personae and is the most effected by the other elements (needs water to breathe, water to drink, earth to grow from, fire destroys it). Though to balance all of that out, you can heal far more easily than the rest (which is good, because if you do fall, bouncing back will be horrendously difficult). You are stable, stubborn almost, but smarts and common sense are your roots that keep you in place. Your place in the world: You are the wizened old soul whose mere existence proves that anything's possible..

In other news, summer is flying by. I have just finished with two more classes. (2 more in Summer II) I really liked my negotiation class. I found I don't handle conflict well. Surprise, surprise. But amazingly, I am getting better at it. Thanks UMHB for actually teaching me something...

Burt is good. Campers everywhere. They are so so so loud.

Jon and Kate broke up. So sad.

I can't believe I graduate in 6 months. Mind blowing.

Whirlwind

This summer has been absolutely insane. Working 2 jobs and doing the summer school thing has kept me occupied and living in Burt by my lonesome has proven to be an adventure. Dead raccoons in the walls and all. I had the wind knocked out of me with the tragic death of one of the strongest, most generous friends I have ever known due to suicide last week. Even typing those words feels too raw to even address that topic further. Something to look forward to readers. Hah. My friends and family have loved me better than I could have even imagined. I thank those of you that have quietly loved, supported and cried with me. You are God's very hands and feet.

I have absolutely NO idea what to expect for the rest of the summer. If the first 2 weeks are any indication, I am in for a wild ride. And here I was thinking I was going to have the lamest summer ever. I am only beginning to see God's wisdom in where He has put me for the summer.

In other news, I watched "Jon and Kate Plus 8" last night. Can I just say that I am way to attached to these people. I was on the edge of my seat to find out what was going to happen, which of course they didn't tell us. So silly. But seriously, they better work it out.

Loco

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do. "
~Steve Jobs

Am I crazy enough?

Grateful

Life is half spent before we know what it is. - George Herbert

This weekend I got to spend a ridiculous amount of time with the Burt RA's. I have come to realize that these women are my heart, my confidants and my tribe. They are why I love my job so much. They have encouraged me, challenged me, and given me more honesty than anyone else in my life. But more than that, they have loved me. Even when I suck, even when I'm having an awful day, even when I lose my school ring that none of them even remotely care about. They know me, and yet they love me. I have never been more thankful for a group of people in my life.

It is so clear to me why God put me here, why I was meant to have this job. I have spent today, in spite of stupid projects, really trying to soak up the good things God has given me. I am blessed beyond measure to know these girls and overwhelmed that God saw fit to put them in my life. I love you ladies.

Peeling away

Here lately I have felt passionless. For those of you that know me, you know this is rare and strange for me. I have no desire for my classes, or the future, or worst of all God. I have been realizing that God and I have lost touch. God has been breaking me with my family, my friends, certainty about the future, its all a little unstable. Ok, a lot unstable.

All the things I find security in are not here anymore and the lightbulb went off. I am trying to do it all myself again. I do this over and over. Try to take control. I heard the song below on my iPod today and it really spoke to me. In the midst of my 6 projects, finals, my sick gradparents, my friends, my job and finals, I have forgotten that God is here with me. Today when I heard this song, I felt my heart break. I am returning wounded and humbled. I am ready for Him to "rend" me. I need Him to.


Rend- Jimmy Needham

You’ve been tarnished
And you’ve been stained
And all the varnish
you’ve used to cover up with is peeling away

Yet even now, return to me
with nothing less Than your wounded, broken heart
And cling to Me, your gracious King
Be shattered glass of empty jars
and rend Rend, rend, rend Rend your hearts

I don’t need a grand display
Show me that your heart has changed
I don’t need a show
Only just to know your own heart breaks

Give thanks

Today is barefoot day at UMHB. Ok, so we didn't call it that, its called "Soul to Soul"... its a day to remember Haiti and the orphans that live there. We are donating money so that they can have shoes. As of lunch we already had attatined that goal and were moving on the paying for food. So exciting! But, can I just say that days like today are really hard for me? Seriously, I can't relate.

As some of you well know, I haven't been allowed to do missions out of the country. Its a long story, one I will not bore you with. However, I feel like my world view is skewed... off kilter. I have seen the world through my friends eyes.. but never through my own. Some of you will say that is my fault, some of you won't. That is really irrelevant at this point. As I have walked around today, I have padded quietly through the quad (softest grass ever), been shooed out of the sub, and giggled in class at our dirty feet. But I have also cut myself on a sharp rock or two... A friend reminded me that this is a day to feel lucky for what we have and I do. I guess what I'm trying to say is I forgot to remember. Until I sliced my foot open. Barefoot is not all fun and games.

My life has been much like this day. I have walked around in my middle class life, white bread suburbia without remembering how lucky I am. I have a house, food, family, an education, health care... the list goes on and on. Most of my friends have already experienced the slicing open of their foot... They have seen poverty and devastation and pain. I haven't seen it yet; at least not to the degree in which they have described it. Today God taught me about gratefulness. My life has not been perfect by any means, but it has been good. I may not have seen Haiti yet, but today I learned a lesson from those tiny orphans... God is good and I am grateful.

If you are reading this pray for Haiti, and the orphans that live there. Pray that they see God in the shoes that go there. Pray that we can be Jesus to them, even if for now it is just from Belton.

Love sweet love...

These past couple of weeks I have been bombarded with messages, devotionals, cards, sermons and just about everything else about love. Now, I am not even about to approach the "what is love" question; because lets face it, I don't have a clue. What I do know is that I have a lot to learn about love. 1 Corithians 13... all about love. In fact, most of the bible... about love. Jesus, the very definition of love. There are songs about love, poetry about love, paintings about love, whole books on love, heck in February there is a whole day just dedicated to telling people how much you love them.

What it all boils down to for me is what am I doing to love people better. I am not patient or kind or humble... I fail all the time. It seems the more I hear about love and learn what God says about love the more I realize I know NOTHING about the conversation at hand... These past few weeks my boss has been asking us to demonstrate love in accordance with 1 Cor. 13 and let me tell you it's not easy to be so intentional about love. Please pray for me friends, pray that God shows me how to love better.

And now I will leave you with a few lyrics:

"People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?" ~ Black Eyed Peas

Humble Pie...

Once again I fall on my face in humilty. Why do i keep insisting I can do it myself? My own brokeness leads me once again to my knees. Thank you Jesus for grace.

"Ruin Me" - Jeff Johnson

Woe to me I am unclean

A sinner found in Your presence

I see you seated on Your throne

Exalted, Your Glory surrounds You

Now the plans that I have made

Fail to compare when I see your glory

Ruin my life the plans I have made

Ruin desires for my own selfish gain

Destroy the idols that have taken Your place

'Till its You alone I live for, You alone I live for.

All things new

I have offcially joined the rest of the world and begun blogging. I can't promise it will be good, or funny. But I can guarantee that it will be honest and real.

I have recently discovered that I know very little about much of anything. This is a blog about learning, loving, and this big ole' mess called life. Feel free to sojourn along with me for this adventure if you so please. Until we visit again...

Brooke